Okay, selling heroin didn’t work out for us. Apparently the legal thing, it was an issue We need something new, something innovative, something no one’s ever done before We could sell newspapers. Perfect We go into news agents, we take up all their papers and we sell them on as our own. Or we could make our own paper. Even better What stories do we have? I’ve photos of Helen Mirren in bed with the Queen. Too small fry. What else can we do? We could run a story on the coffee stain right here on the table? It’s ballsy, it’s fresh, it’s right in front of me. I want you to get everything you can get on this coffee stain right here Talk to your sources, government officials Ex-con, Ex-military, X-Men and people We are family Needs work.
Talk to the police, pimps, pole dancers Talk to your mother, my father See if we can get them to date Call your daughter But then hang up again because you still don’t have the balls to talk to her. Nobody talks to the press. We are the press. Okay good, that will help us later on when we’re selling papers. Okay. Let’s get to it people come on, let’s go Clapping, everybody clapping That’s enough clapping, back to work.
Photos What do we have? I have a picture of myself and my girlfriend in Greece on holidays. We had a great time Okay, we’ll run with that. Great work guys. That’s lunch. That’s dinner. And this is a full Irish. Any questions? Yes. In which year did Frederick II come to power? 1739 Correct. -Yes Okay, page 3 girls who do we have? Sue Barker says she’s not interested. Dammit What about Bob Geldof? Geldof says he’ll do it, but only if we pay for his implants, Okay, but nothing bigger than a C-cup Okay Great work today gentlemen. That’s a wrap. That’s a roll. And this is unprofessional. *Outro Music* .
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